Confidence Builders

Reflections

 

Nurturing good social skills and a healthy degree of self-confidence are integral tools upon which a child should learn to rely.  Helping the children in your path to develop those traits is a must-do task in the rigors of this era of constant and certain change.  Are you grooming a Can-do Kid? A Can-do Kid believes in himself/herself. He is not painfully shy or overly introverted. She is confident, but not obnoxious.  Their self-confidence is a flourishing tree, rooted in your guidance, and reinforced by your consistent efforts.  Here are three key elements to help jump-start “the Can-do attitude”:

Listen
Listening is an action verb!  It’s more than a mere nod of the head, but an effort to show children that they are important and that their view points hold relevance. Make sure they know that you are interested in what they have to say by soliciting their opinions and affirming their decision to share their thoughts.  Start early! Even when a child hasn’t fully grasped language (at least one you can understand :-), they have grasped communication.  It is in the early stages that parents have the opportunity to build a bond of trust and friendship that will foster long-term communication; especially in the teenage years.

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Encourage
Refrain from feeding a child a diet of destructive/negative criticism.   Instead, highlight her achievements! Dwell on his efforts! Make sure your praises extend beyond the pride in boasting about his first place trophy. Ask yourself: Am I boasting to friends and family about how hard he worked (even if he didn’t win)? Did she run an effort-filled race? If so, her 4th place is as good as a WIN, and you should make sure she knows it! Encouragement fosters empowerment!

Equally important is the recognition of your child’s ego. A healthy ego is important, as it can help determine acceptable behaviour amongst peers, and is directly tied to a child’s self-esteem.  Efforts to embarrass a child serve to diminish their ego, while boosting yours – a short term effect for you, and a potential lifetime hindrance for him/her!  Consider alternatives to embarrassing your child, such as communicating your expectations at a time when you are NOT upset.  Remind him that you know he can, in fact, choose better behaviour.  Encourage her to be her best self at all times. It may be challenging to taper your anger, but is it not a better option than lowering a child’s self-esteem, and negating your other efforts to positively influence a child you love?

I’ll share with you my husband Bryan’s perspective on children. As a father, and a man who is great with children in general, he offers these insightful thoughts. All children have the potential to be smart and intelligent, once this is instilled and nurtured from birth. It is the adult's job to help them to bring this out and not to talk down to them. Always explain why something should or should not be done. Encourage them to become problem solvers through activities such as puzzles. You will not have the ability to be there and do everything for them at all times, so they need to understand the value of their own actions. Children react with high levels of confidence and self-esteem when they know that they have completed a task themselves.



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Positive Affirmation
Constant positive affirmation is a powerful ally! I am especially grateful to Mommy and Daddy for this ally during my formative years.  I remember coming home in tears because children at school would make fun of me, saying I was ugly and skinny. Mommy and Daddy would remind me that I was beautiful, special and smart, and indeed, I am!

The lesson my parents taught my siblings and me is that mean and unfriendly people are merely unhappy with themselves, and in turn, will try either for personal gain, or out of envy, to make you unhappy also. When you are special, there are people who, fueled by jealousy, will be particularly mean.  Mommy and Daddy would say, "You are beautiful, you are smart and God made a wonderful you".  As children, those beautiful words served as welcome replacements for the harshness that the world inevitably brought forth. I think that every child needs to be told words of positive affirmation, and those words should be coming from YOU!

My friends Denise and Noel have a beautiful six-year-old daughter named Jamé.  I will always remember the fact that Noel would say, “Jamé, you are a champion!” This affirmation began as early as a few months after her birth. When Jame started to talk, Denise and Noel would ask her "Who is the champion?" and she would burst into a smile and shout, "Jamé!”.  At age 6 she is a pleasure to watch.  She is a confident girl, and a good student who dances and plays the drums with all her heart. Her most admirable trait is how mindful she is of hurting people's feelings. Jamé is one of many beautiful examples of how encouragement and positive affirmation can help us groom confident children.



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